Infidelity
Infidelity, often seen as a major breakdown in a marriage or relationship, can feel like something that could never happen to you. It happens to “those couples over there.” Sure, your marriage has its ups and downs, but your partner couldn't—no, wouldn't—betray your trust in such a devastating way. We all live in this bubble of thinking, a bubble that shields us from realizing that anything is possible given the right circumstances.
In 2014, The Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that 41% of couples sampled admitted to one or both spouses having had either an emotional affair or sexual infidelity. What happens when you discover that infidelity did indeed happen to you? That you are actually “that couple over there”?
The initial shock of the betrayal can cause a wide range of emotions. In an instant, everything comes to a halt, and you may be left searching for something to hold onto as the emotional upheaval begins to shake your world.
Some people experience:
Numbness
Denial
Anger
Overwhelming sadness and grief
A profound sense of loss
Hopelessness
A desire for revenge
You may find yourself asking questions like these:
How did this happen to us? How did we get here?
What am I going to do? If my marriage ends, can I survive financially?
What about the children?
Does my spouse love the person with whom they had their affair? Does my spouse want to leave?
What else has my spouse lied about? Do I even know them?
Should I leave? Should I stay?
Once the truth is out and you try to pick up the pieces of your seemingly shattered world while grappling with “how could this happen to me?”, you also face society’s judgments placed upon you and your partner. Everyone thinks they know what they would do in this situation—or at least they think they do. “If I were you, I would… (fill in the blank).” The reality is nobody knows how they will react until they are confronted with the complicated realities of infidelity themselves, when their marriage, their dreams, and their children’s lives are all uncertain.
The fear of being exposed and judged by close friends and family may make you feel alone during a time when emotional support is most needed. For many couples, marriage counseling or couples therapy serves as a safe space to discuss all these rising emotions, questions, and fears. If you are currently going through the emotional turmoil caused by extramarital affairs, I want you to know that you are not alone. There is hope after an affair!
Understanding Infidelity
Understanding why infidelity occurs is crucial in dealing with its aftermath. The effects of cheating go beyond just the individuals involved; they affect families and social circles as well. As you think about how to handle infidelity, it’s important to define what cheating means to you and recognize its various forms—such as emotional infidelity versus sexual infidelity.
Seeking Guidance
As you navigate this difficult path of recovering from infidelity, seek advice on rebuilding trust and finding ways to cope with betrayal. Remember that the impact of infidelity on relationships varies greatly depending on the dynamics between partners and the circumstances surrounding the affair.
Engaging in couples counseling can provide valuable support as you work through the complex emotions tied to adultery and strive for healing. Be open about discussing not only the pain caused by the betrayal but also underlying issues that may have contributed—such as jealousy or unmet needs within the relationship.
Ultimately, healing from infidelity requires patience, communication, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths about yourself and your partner.